Go From Insecure to Confident: Part Two

PART TWO

Change The Way You Think

When I was 14 years old, I was such a different person than I am today you probably wouldn’t even recognize me. If I felt uncomfortable in the least about anything, I would silently start screaming at myself. I would call myself names, tauntingly ask myself when I was going to mess up and when I invariably DID mess up (how can you not screw up when you treat yourself that way?!) I would hate myself. Looking back at the way I treated that poor girl, it makes me sad. I wasted so much time!

Most of us silently talk to ourselves in a manner we would never dream of addressing someone else. I used to be really, really good at hating myself. I was terrified of failure. I’m a perfectionist by nature and I allowed myself to slip into negative self-talk, which typically goes hand in hand with insecurity. Instinctively, I knew that if I wanted to be successful in life I couldn’t continue on down the path of self-loathing I was on. I knew that in order to change, I had to change the way I spoke to myself. I felt embarrassed when I first started changing my habits. I felt stupid for trying to build myself up which just goes to show you how insecure I really was. But I stuck with it, and slowly but surely by changing the way I spoke to myself, I changed the way I thought about myself.

When I would approach a situation that would make me nervous or uncomfortable, I would tell myself, “You can do this! And if you mess up, that’s OK Elizabeth! You’re human and by making a mistake you have only presented yourself with another opportunity to learn and try again!”  There were times I would lapse back into bad habits, because it’s easier to stick with what you know than encourage change in your life, even if that change is for good. Joel Osteen said, “Words are like seeds. If you dwell on them long enough, they will take root and flourish.” How right he was!

Change The Way You Talk

DO NOT talk about your struggles with insecurity on social networking sights. Your enemies will only use that against you and your true friends will probably already know. Talking about how unconfident you are is just wallowing in insecurity! Tell yourself that you are a brave, confident person and you don’t need other people’s praise to feel good about yourself. You may not feel that way right now, but you just keep telling yourself that and pretty soon you’ll believe it. Of course I don’t mean that you shouldn’t discuss your life and what you’re going through in life with the people you’re close to. Of course you should and you should value their input! All I mean is that everyone and their mother shouldn’t know all the dirty details of your inner life. Not everyone wants the best for you or help you grow, as unfortunate as that is.

Smile

Smile. It’s that simple. When we’re feeling insecure we generally retreat into ourselves and focus on what’s going on inside….and we forget to smile and come across stuck up, not friendly and insecure. When you smile you appear relaxed, approachable and confident, even if you’re not feeling that way at all! And as you know by now, appearing confident is half the trick!

Focus On Others

I’ve come to realize that when I start feeling insecure, I am focusing on myself. Insecurity is basically a form of selfishness. As soon as I feel myself starting to feel that I way, I try to focus on something outside of Elizabeth. Get someone talking about themselves and be genuinely interested in who they are. Before you know it you’ll be listening to what they have to say and your insecurities will start to melt away because you’re not feeding them by giving them attention. I’m sure you’ve heard the quote, “Feed your dreams and starve your fears.” This applies to confidence as well! By refusing to acknowledge your insecurity when it rears its ugly head, you are essentially starving it and allowing confidence to grow!

Go Forth and Conquer

You have all the tools within you to become the sparkling, confident person that you were meant to be. You just have to access them. I believe in you! Now run, don't walk, after your confidence Doll! 

“Confidence is a decision. You will never earn it. It will come when you decide to have it.”

xo xo Elizabeth

Go From Insecure To Confident: Part One

You know the feeling. Even if you swear up, down, left, right and center that you’ve never felt this way...just between you, me, and the fence post, you know you have. You walk into some event and you don’t know what to do with your hands. They feel too big for your body and everyone there is smarter, nicer and better at conversing than you. Everyone at some point has felt insecure and under qualified.

I have really good news though. You can change and you can become the most sparkling, confident and quietly awesome person that you allow yourself to be!

You know how I know this? Because I used to be the most insecure, unconfident, self-hating person I know. And I changed. If I can change, you can as well. You do have to want to change. You have to decide that you don’t want to be insecure any more and that it is only holding you back from greatness in your life. Some people talk all the time about how insecure they are but aren’t actually willing to make the change necessary to bring about results in their life. It’s easier to stick with what you know. That can be said of almost everything in life. Results demand that you step out of your comfort zone, try something new and not revert back to old habits when the going gets tough. It’s a lot easier to talk about the change you want to see than it is to actually live it.

Fake It Till You Make It

Here’s the thing that’s not very popular to say: it’s easier to tell yourself that you’re a failure than it is to try something and possibly mess it up. It takes courage to try and change parts of your character. It takes courage to try something new. Right now I want you to go ahead and tell yourself that you are brave for even thinking about doing the hard thing and that you can do this! You can!

First of all, fake it till you make it! So you’re not confident. Guess what? That’s OK. You just have to pretend that you are at first. Search out someone you know that is confident (confident, NOT cocky or blustery or a bully, there is a difference and those of us with insecurity issues can get confused), and copy the hell out of them.

Our insecurities frequently display themselves in our body language: a huge “tell” to the outside world. These are the easiest, “quick-fix” ways to can help you become more confident.  

Walk With Purpose People who are confident have a destination in mind and they walk as if they are determined to get there! Keep your chin up, look where you’re going and walk with a purpose! 

Don’t Slouch Stand up straight with your shoulders back and your chin up. Keep your hands out of your pockets and NEVER cross your arms. That is a huge sign that you’re feeling threatened or insecure. Fold your hands in your lap when you’re sitting or rest them on the arms of your chair. This is way more elegant and approachable looking to others.

Maintain Eye Contact When you’re talking to someone, look them in the eye, don’t stare off into the distance as if you were wishing that a big Mac were about to appear. Maintain eye contact with people and show that you are interested in what they are saying by paying attention to them.

Have A Good Handshake When you’re introduced to someone new, shake their hand well. Don’t present your hand like a cold, clammy fish. Your handshake says a lot about who you are. However, don’t squeeze their hand to death in a “I’m tougher, stronger and meaner than you,” sort of way either. Being overly aggressive appears just as insecure as not shaking someone’s hand, it just stems from a different place.

Dress Well Take pride in your appearance. This is a way of telling yourself and the world without having to use any words, that you matter. When you go out in public try to look as put together as possible. Maintain your hygiene, make sure your hair is washed, combed and done. This may sound silly, but scuffed or dirty shoes can make the best outfit look sloppy.

Stay Off Your Phone We frequently use our cell phones as a crutch. I read a quote the other day that said that the President of the United States is the most powerful man in the world and he doesn’t carry a phone. That really resonated with me! If you’re in a situation where you feel uncomfortable, don’t instantly retreat to your phone for security. Face what’s bothering you head on.

Educate Yourself Many times insecurity comes from ignorance, or fear of appearing ignorant. Read and educate yourself! You are in control of your education and how you appear to others.

Get Really Good At One Thing Ina Garten, also known as The Barefoot Contessa, is a fantastic example of how helpful it is to be really good at something. Before she was an internationally known chef with a television show, she was a White House nuclear policy analyst without much cooking experience. When she and her husband, Jeffery, were first married, they were supposed to have Jeffery’s boss over for dinner. The week before the boss’s arrival, Ina made the dinner she was going to serve three times as practice. Basically, she was building her confidence up and by the time the boss arrived for dinner, boy howdy you can bet she felt good about that dinner! Focus on something, be that skateboarding, horseback riding, cooking etc...and get really good at it!

The wonderful thing about confidence is that it builds upon itself. When you try something that challenges you and you see success, this bolsters your already existing confidence! Next time an opportunity presents itself, you will be even more willing to challenge yourself because of the success you saw previously. The cycle repeats itself and your bank account of confidence will grow. That's pretty awesome, if you ask me.   

Check back in tomorrow for Part Two of Going from Insecure to Confident!! 

Click HERE to follow Buckaroo Barbie!!  

xo xo Elizabeth