The other day a thought popped into my head about why I’m single, and silly-nilly me, I posted it as a status update on Facebook. The response was immediate and overwhelming. It came across like a singles ad, which I REALLY did not mean! It brought up some interesting discussions about relationships, though, with both men and women chiming in. What I said was,
“Yup!! You guessed, my name is Liz. I like fast horses, old whiskey, good lookin men with ambition (bonus if you can dance), and I have a very expensive addiction to shoes and lipstick. Please don't bother if you don't drink coffee...I hate being the man in the relationship. :) “
Uhhh yeah….reading it over again it DOES sound like a singles ad!! Ooops! When I was writing it, I was mentally going over a list of reasons of why I’m not dating. See, I’m 25 years old, single and haven’t been on a date in a year. I’m also as happy as a bird with a French fry, a fat lady in a chocolate shop and a witch in a broom factory and I'm not looking for a special someone! When most people hear that, they kind of freak out. I guess they’re worried I’ll never find true love until I’m as old as dirt. Insert sarcasm here! The truth is, I’m having a grand time being single right now. I honestly believe everyone should have a period where they’re able to be completely, selfishly and 100% focused on themselves and know what it’s like to exist as a human outside of a romantic relationship.
Lately I’ve been thinking about some of the younger Buckaroo Barbies who read this blog, and what it’s like to grow up in a culture that is constantly screaming that you’re self-worth is tied up in a romantic relationship. I remember being 13-years-old and wanting to have a boyfriend SO BADLY!! My mums met my daddy when she was only 15 years old, and I thought their love story was a real life fairy tale. I wanted a happy ending just like my mums and I thought that to be like her, I needed to meet my Prince Charming as quickly as possible. If I could go back and talk to my 13-year-old, spazzed-out, love-struck self, I would tell me to just take a chill pill and enjoy who I was at that point and time!
The reason I’m not dating now isn’t because I’m against love or think I’m too good for anyone…far from it! I do have a set of beliefs and values that I hold myself to though, and I want the person I care about to care about the same things I do. I’m waiting for that guy that is as driven, hard working and ambitious as me. I want to be spend time with a man that reminds me of my daddy and has the same values and beliefs as I do. And in the meantime, I’m not focused or spending energy on wondering who he is, where he is or when I’ll meet him. I’m looking at this point of my life as the most beautiful gift I could ever give myself: time to get to know me and cultivate characteristics and skills that are going to help me reach my dreams. Being single allows me to be selfish in a way that I can’t be when I’m in a relationship with someone.
We all know someone whose self-worth and happiness is tied up in whether they are in a relationship or not. I think because they’re not exactly comfortable with who they are as individuals, when they are in the hollowed “long-term” relationship, they’re still not completely satisfied and that affects the relationship. The most long-term relationship you’re ever going to have is with yourself. Duh moment, sorry but I had to point that out. And if you’re not in love with YOU, how can you expect someone else to love you too? If you are single right now and hating it, I would challenge you to look at it as an awesome opportunity to invest in YOURSELF. Give yourself the gift of becoming, on your own, the person you were meant to be! Give yourself over 150% to your hopes and dreams and focus all your energy on making them come true. When you’re attention is centered on something other than love or just BEING WITH SOMEONE, than the right relationship and the right person has a tendency to come along when you’re least expecting it. It’s OK to be picky and it’s OK to have standards. Don’t let anyone tell you differently.
I know there are many of you who are happily married or taken, and I think that is beautiful. I don't want to come across as a "Down With Love" kind of girl because love is a wonderful thing. I love being in love! But for you single ladies….don’t think of your ‘singleness’ as a curse and don’t rush into a relationship with someone just because everyone else has a boyfriend/girlfriend. Slow down, enjoy the ride and spend some quality time with yourself….these are the years you’ll look back on with fondness.
xo xo Liz
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