It’s easy to become frustrated, overwhelmed, impatient and
very simply, lose hope with our lives.
I know, because I constantly have to fight against the
impending dark cloud that lurks at my feet, awaiting a moment of weakness to
devour me completely.
I am not a naturally melancholy person always looking on the dark side of things, but I am human and I have a tendency to want things to
happen when I think they should
happen, not when they actually occur.
I am 26 years old,
and I live at home with my parents. I have reached lofty business and personal
goals, and I’ve had lovingly tended dreams snatched away from me. I had a
chronic illness for five years that
reduced my life to a simple pattern of pain, meds, sleep and more pain. I get
frustrated because I am not where my peers are today, and I still have a long
way to go. Things that used to be simple for me can now stress me out to the
point of becoming so flustered that I can hardly remember my own name. I get
angry and upset that I am a possible burden to my parents and I feel like a
failure for struggling with my school, when it used to be so easy.
But, On The
Other Hand
But, on the other hand, if these painful, frustrating, awful
things hadn’t happened, I wouldn’t be
the person I am now. And I’ve rather grown to like her, this woman I have
become. I wouldn’t be focusing my talents and energy on the things I am today
and I know with a certainty that is rock solid, what I am doing now is what I
was meant to do.
“What’s wrong?” my mums asked me softly as she drove me to yet
another doctor’s appointment (To add insult to injury, when I’m not doing well
I don’t drive.) this afternoon. “I feel like this cycle is never going to end,
that I’ll never be able to take care of myself or get well enough to live on my
own again.” I muttered, staring out the pickup window like an insolent teenager
but really just fighting to hide the tears that were threatening to spill over.
It was silent for a moment and then my mums sighed and placed her hand on mine.
“I don’t know why these things were allowed to happen to you, but I do know that you are MUCH better today
than you were this time last year, or even 6 months ago. And I can’t even
imagine how incredibly frustrating it must be for you, but maybe you can look
at this time like an addict looks at recovery: one day at a time. Otherwise,
you’ll get bogged down in the day-to-day trials and it will seem like the road
stretches on forever. Just take it one day at a time, Elizabeth.” She squeezed
my hand and I was completely overwhelmed with love for my wise mums.
I have a tendency to always look far ahead to the future,
making short and long-term goals. In many ways, this has proven to be very
helpful to me personally and professionally. But on days like today, when the
dark cloud of doubt and fear starts creeping ever nearer, it’s a hindrance. If
you, like me, are struggling and the long road of your future seems to be
clothed in uncertainty and doubt, stop looking so far ahead for now. Just take
it one day at a time and be thankful for the changes you have made, no matter how small or insignificant they may seem.
One Day At A
Time
So. Change. Tomorrow when I wake up, I will luxuriously
stretch in my bed, relishing the feeling of not having a body that is constantly wracked with pain anymore.
I will not spend time wondering how I will manage 5, 10
years from now, but will tackle the day’s immediate challenges with as much
grace and fortitude as possible.
Instead of worrying over possible terrible scenarios that
haven’t yet come about, I will focus on the positive of NOW.
I will not be discouraged by “bad” or hard days. Instead, I
will try to look at them as a mere bump in the road to bigger and grander
things that have yet to come.
By taking one day at a time, I will appreciate those around
me more, because one day this time will have past.
It is always easier to look forward to something and say, “I
will deal with it this way,” than it is when it comes time to actually deal
with “it.” I will remember that and not be too hard on myself when I become
frustrated, frightened and overwhelmed, because those feelings will return.
By taking one day at a time, I will reserve that fire to
live each day to the fullest, with as much joy and passion as possible (without
being too obnoxious, of course!).
Join me in taking one day at a time, and together let’s see
if we can’t overcome the fear of the unknown.
I Am Thankful
I am thankful for my deep and solid friendship with my
mother. I used to worry when I was young that we would stop being friends the
instant I “grew up,” but I’m pleased to find that our friendship has not waned,
but only strengthened as I’ve gotten older.
I am thankful for my mother’s sweet and gentle wisdom. Not
one to preach, she leads by example and without her I’m pretty sure I would be
lost.
I am thankful for my mother’s complete and utter faith in
me.
I am thankful for this road I have been given, no matter how
rocky it may be, because without it I would not understand other people’s pain
to the extent I am able to now.
I am thankful for this extended time I am allotted with my
parents, because someday It will all be a dusty memory.
I am thankful for you, dear reader, and all that writing
this blog has taught me.
Thank you.
xo xo Elizabeth
