I held my breath and prayed to everything and anything as Adrian zipped up the back of the expensive and borrowed dress I was wearing. Up, up, up….oh thank the good Lord it zipped. The tag said it’s was a 2, but I know that’s impossible because with the way I’m built I couldn’t squeeze my chest into anything remotely 2ish. Just saying. They must put little tags in the fancy lady clothes to make them feel tinier. Right. Dress on, time to deal with the shoes. I jammed my feet into the black pumps and winced. They were a 9 maybe. I’m a 10. Well, that'll teach me to forget to pack fancy party clothes again. Bet I never make this mistake again. It was the Eve to New Year’s Eve and Adrian and I were in Utah before her gig in Idaho. Remember how I told you all we were running out the door to a grown up party??? Well, this is the story of that night. Without naming any names, I just thought you should all enjoy the unadulterated Lizness of Liz. Wow. Sometimes, I don’t even understand myself. We were staying with some friends who were attending the Pre-New Year’s Eve party of the mother of the person in the video you’ll find below.
Weird. I was in borrowed clothes and feeling like a ridiculous version of myself. Adrian looked ridiculously herself….a gorgeous swingy black jersey dress skimming her body and the tops of her Paul Bonds….strands and strands of pearls and crosses hanging from her neck, and the intricately quilled knife sheath that encases her pretty little knife. She looked like a beautiful, comfortable, dressed up version of herself. I stumbled down the iced over steps in my too tight of shoes and the only part of me that felt like me was my hair. Long and comfortably free of any hair spray, to the continual disgust of Adrian who used to be a pageant queen in a previous life. Anyway. We arrived at the impressive house and were greeted by our host (which in and of itself is kind of weird!), and ushered into a room full of fancy-smanchy people. We talked, we smiled…well Adrian did while I tried to mask the grimace on my face. I’ve broken ankles, damaged nerves and smashed toes and none of that hurt like my freaking feet did in those damn shoes. Adrian turned her head towards me quickly and smiled. “Guess who’s here?” Seeing someone in real life whose movies you’ve watched over and over, movies you quote frequently, is an odd experience. She was nice and kind and actually pretty funny from the short time we visited. Although I could barely concentrate on what she was saying for the throbbing in my feet. The whole point of this post isn’t to tell you that she is actually very pretty. Or to tell you that we met her at all. It’s to tattle on myself and tell you what I said to her husband. Adrian and I were standing there, discussing music with Josh and the musicians in the conversation were talking about recording and recording studios and the whole process of artistic creativeness….and we were all of a sudden laughing about something that I don’t, can’t remember now and for some reason I opened my mouth (which I hadn't really done all night. Not feeling ME in my borrowed clothes had for some reason disabled my ability to make small talk), and I quoted Caddy Shack. One of my top 5 all favorite movies on this earth. Don’t judge me. Or go ahead, I don’t actually care. And then for some unknown reason I SAID that it's my favorite movie. It was actually quite funny, I thought. It related to the situation. It’s a classic and COME ON!! Everyone and anyone who has any taste at all likes Caddy Shack!! It's a classic, right along with Animal House and almost all Marvel Comic movies...Oh no….the people we were standing with fell awkwardly silent and their eyes drifted away to interesting places on the ceiling. Josh looked upwards and rather uncomfortably said, “Oh well….you know…there’s been a lot of good movies made down through the years.” And then he walked away. Adrian looked at me, silently shaking with laughter. I have come to the house of K@$%#(&e Hei!l and told her husband a quote from Caddy Shack and he thinks I have just dissed the movies that his wife has made. OHMYGOD, really? I hobbled off to the bathroom, sat slowly onto the top of the toilet and painfully removed the damned shoes. As the blood rushed back into my poor little piggy toes, I gritted my teeth and muttered to myself. “Well it DOES answer some of life’s most pressing questions….who ARE the gophers friends? But the rabbit and lowly squirrel.”
xo xo Liz