You know the feeling. Even if you swear up, down, left,
right and center that you’ve never felt this way...just between you, me, and the
fence post, you know you have. You walk
into some event and you don’t know what to do with your hands. They feel too
big for your body and everyone there is smarter, nicer and better at conversing
than you. Everyone at some point has
felt insecure and under qualified.
I have really good news though. You can change and
you can become the most sparkling, confident and quietly awesome person that
you allow yourself to be!
You know how I know this? Because I used to be the most
insecure, unconfident, self-hating person I know. And I changed. If I can change, you can as well. You do have
to want to change. You have to decide that you don’t want to be insecure any
more and that it is only holding you back from greatness in your life. Some
people talk all the time about how insecure they are but aren’t actually
willing to make the change necessary to bring about results in their life. It’s
easier to stick with what you know. That can be said of almost everything in
life. Results demand that you step out of your comfort zone, try something new
and not revert back to old habits when the going gets tough. It’s a lot easier
to talk about the change you want to see than it is to actually live it.
Fake It Till
You Make It
Here’s the thing that’s not very popular to say: it’s easier
to tell yourself that you’re a failure than it is to try something and possibly
mess it up. It takes courage to try and change parts of your character. It
takes courage to try something new. Right now I want you to go ahead and tell
yourself that you are brave for even thinking about doing the hard thing and
that you can do this! You can!
First of all, fake it till you make it! So you’re not
confident. Guess what? That’s OK. You just have to pretend that you are at
first. Search out someone you know that is confident (confident, NOT cocky or
blustery or a bully, there is a difference and those of us with insecurity
issues can get confused), and copy the hell out of them.
Our insecurities frequently display themselves in our body
language: a huge “tell” to the outside world. These are the easiest, “quick-fix”
ways to can help you become more confident.
Walk With Purpose
People who are confident have a destination in mind and they walk as if they are determined to
get there! Keep your chin up, look
where you’re going and walk with a purpose!
Don’t Slouch
Stand up straight with your shoulders back and your chin up. Keep your hands
out of your pockets and NEVER cross your arms. That is a huge sign that you’re
feeling threatened or insecure. Fold your hands in your lap when you’re sitting
or rest them on the arms of your chair. This is way more elegant and
approachable looking to others.
Maintain Eye Contact When
you’re talking to someone, look them in the eye, don’t stare off into the
distance as if you were wishing that a big Mac were about to appear. Maintain
eye contact with people and show that you are interested in what they are
saying by paying attention to them.
Have A Good Handshake
When you’re introduced to someone new, shake their hand well. Don’t present
your hand like a cold, clammy fish. Your handshake says a lot about who you are. However, don’t squeeze their
hand to death in a “I’m tougher, stronger and meaner than you,” sort of way
either. Being overly aggressive appears just as insecure as not
shaking someone’s hand, it just stems from a different place.
Dress Well Take
pride in your appearance. This is a way of telling yourself and the world
without having to use any words, that you matter. When you go out in public try
to look as put together as possible. Maintain your hygiene, make sure your hair
is washed, combed and done. This may sound silly, but scuffed or dirty shoes can make the best outfit look sloppy.
Stay Off Your Phone We frequently use our cell phones as a crutch. I read a
quote the other day that said that the President of the United States is the
most powerful man in the world and he doesn’t carry a phone. That really
resonated with me! If you’re in a situation where you feel uncomfortable, don’t
instantly retreat to your phone for security. Face what’s bothering you head
on.
Educate Yourself Many
times insecurity comes from ignorance, or fear of appearing ignorant. Read and
educate yourself! You are in control of your education and how you appear to
others.
Get Really Good At
One Thing Ina Garten, also known as The Barefoot Contessa, is a fantastic example of
how helpful it is to be really good at something. Before she was an
internationally known chef with a television show, she was a White House
nuclear policy analyst without much cooking experience. When she and her
husband, Jeffery, were first married, they were supposed to have Jeffery’s boss
over for dinner. The week before the boss’s arrival, Ina made the dinner she
was going to serve three times as
practice. Basically, she was building her confidence up and by the time the
boss arrived for dinner, boy howdy you can bet she felt good about that dinner!
Focus on something, be that
skateboarding, horseback riding, cooking etc...and get really good at it!
The wonderful thing about confidence is that it builds upon
itself. When you try something that challenges you and you see success, this
bolsters your already existing confidence! Next time an opportunity presents itself, you will be even more willing to challenge yourself because of the success you saw previously. The cycle repeats itself and your bank account of confidence will grow. That's pretty awesome, if you ask me.
Check back in tomorrow for Part Two of Going from Insecure to Confident!!
xo xo Elizabeth
now this i like, i mean i still feel insecure
ReplyDeletebut have gotten better.
it's just awkward when you are insecure around people.
life is so much better when a person is confident.
thanks for this post liz, Merry Christmas to and your family.
I'm the same way Mason! I sometimes feel insecure but I've gotten better too! I'm glad you enjoyed it, thanks for the comment! Merry Christmas!
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