Long Nights

Restless nights bring dread because the promise of the next day is long hours and sandpaper feeling in your eyes. Sheets twist around and entangle you, pillow is hot and lumpy and does nothing towards providing you relief. Every mistake that you made that day is brought to mind, every cruel or hasty word, every missed opportunity plays on repeat. 

Taunting you.

The night seems to drag on endlessly and all you can do is watch helplessly for the dawn.

Ever have one of those nights?

I think everyone does once in awhile.

All you can do is accept the mistakes and failures calmly.

Look the memories in the eye and say, “Yes, I did that. Tomorrow I won’t. Tomorrow I will begin again.” And then you have to leave those things behind you and move on with your life.

I am an incredibly sensitive person.

For years I would literally make myself sick over past shortcomings and mistakes.

Had I blurted something out loud to someone that I really, really wished I hadn’t? That moment would become a special little torture session just for me, replaying in my head until my cheeks would burn with embarrassment in the dark. If I missed a shot roping that I felt I shouldn’t have or SOMEHOW didn’t match up to the lofty aspirations in my head of handiness, I beat myself up relentlessly.

Eventually, I realized that I was allowing myself to be caught in a terribly self-destructive habit. Yes, we need to self-assess. Without self-examination we become stagnant and never grow, as people or in our chosen crafts.

But dwelling on our “failures” and mistakes to the point of self-loathing doesn’t accomplish anything except instilling self-hate, an utter lack of confidence and fear deep within ourselves. Once those take hold, they’re difficult to banish.

Say “NO” to the cycle and begin a new habit. If you mess up or embarrass yourself, have a little chuckle at yourself, shake your head and say “I can’t believe I did that”, determine how you would do things differently next time….and then MOVE ON.

Trust me, you’ll be glad you did.

xo xo Liz